Uber’s are worse than black cabs

Bold statement. Definitely. Black cabs are avoided in the street as the plague was avoided, I assume, by the villagers of rural, NHS-less England. In fact, I would say I avoid black cabs to the point that I even forget they are cabs. They’re just menacing presences that prowl the streets for drunk suckers. However I don’t drink, so not only did I jump in, but I jumped in sober.

I jumped into the cab as my uber ‘wasn’t accepting my payment method’ (I will pay you uber just give me time.) So Uber wasn’t letting me pay – far more to their detriment than mine. Just as I thought my number was up and i’d have to slum it with the foxes (which I have done before- different story), up prowls one of these black cab lurkers. And my companion hailed it down and insisted this was my ride home.

What I had hitherto accepted blindly was that Uber is all transactioned virtually, and pretty much forces you to pay whatever it wants. It charges more when there are ‘surges’: so basically when they’re making more money they decide to add even more. We just pay because they’ve trained us to forget how to take out cash and ring up a taxi company. Like little iphone wielding monkeys that pay them in cash instead of peanuts (poor joke).

But luckily for me, I had stone hard cash- I actually had about £60 on me but I thought i’m not going to let this sucker sucker me out of money, so I told him “I’m sorry I only have £10” THE CHUTZPAH. When was the last time I did that in England? Morocco maybe but not cobbled street Manchester. But we haggled! We negotiated! We had such fun, at quarter to 1 in the morning on a Thursday, beneath the moonlight, haggling with what made us human: Our communication. We were communicating. Never would an Uber driver allow you to say, “Fancy only charging me a tenner?” and get away with it. No. We enjoyed ourselves enormously, and he agreed. A tenner it was. There was real, human interaction. None of, “The computer says no”. We got to decide our fates, standing like glittering angels beneath the christmas lights that were hanging just outside of House of Fraser on Deansgate.

Uber has denied us our humanness. It has taken away our opportunity to get away with stuff. Everything is decided for us and we just go along with it because it’s ‘easier’.

Well tonight I said no. But tomorrow I will definitely say yes. Who can look a ‘two minute away’ gift horse in mouth?

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